Many workplaces encourage their employees to bring their “full selves” to work—corporate speak for being the person you are with your family and friends around the office, too. The goal is to help forge better bonds with your coworkers and make it possible to be open about your challenges. But what happens when your authentic self doesn’t align with what’s expected of you on the job? If you’re neurodivergent, you might find yourself “masking” at work, or altering how you approach your tasks and present yourself to match your neurotypical peers—which can negatively impact your mental health.
On this week’s episode of The Well+Good Podcast, Well+Good’s director of podcasts Taylor Camille facilitates a discussion between two experts in the neurodiversity space who are helping others understand how their brains work: Ellie Middleton, founder of We Are Unmasked and author of Unmasked: The Ultimate Guide to ADHD, Autism, and Neurodivergence, and Sasha Hamdani, MD, a psychiatrist with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and founder of Focus Genie. The wide-ranging conversation touched on the ways neurodiverse people can thrive at work, and what accommodations can be made to help them get there.
Listen to the full episode here:
What is masking and why does it happen?
Masking is “covering up your neurodivergent traits to appear more typical,” says Middleton, who is autistic and has ADHD. How it looks varies. You might find yourself holding eye contact when it feels uncomfortable or unnatural, for example, or mimicking someone else’s workflow or speech patterns.
Dr. Hamdani says that some level of masking is normal and might be necessary as you move through the day, like learning the ropes of a new job or creating a separation between your work and home life. People often also mask, whether intentionally or not, as a means of survival and safety; to hide their differences in order to pass in an environment that might not be supportive to their needs.
But the effort it takes to mask can be debilitating. While nearly everyone hides parts of who they are at work, “I think the difference with neurodivergent folks is the extent to what you’re covering up and the drain that it’s having on you [because] it’s literally forcing yourself to be and work in ways that are the opposite of the right way for your brain,” says Middleton.
Operating like this for long stretches of time can chip away at your sense of self and fuel burnout, depression, and anxiety, adds Dr. Hamdani. For her part, she says masking constantly made her feel like she “didn’t know who she was at her base.”
“[Masking] is forcing yourself to be and work in ways that are the opposite of the right way for your brain.”—Ellie Middleton, author and activist
Indeed, Middleton has lived this experience. In a previous job, she felt like she had to act in order to survive at work. “I would be Ellie the customer service advisor and it was almost a character that I was playing because I was like, ‘That’s just what I need to do to survive here’ and not realizing that when I went home I was like, ‘Oh my goodness, I’m so tired and I need to lie in a dark room and I can’t even speak anymore,'” she says. “[I didn’t realize] that everybody else wasn’t so drained when they went home from work.” Even if she seemed fine on the outside, she was suffering.
How to advocate for yourself if you find that you’re masking at work
Depending on your workplace, you may not have the option to resist masking entirely. Try to take note of how you feel at work and whether masking is particularly damaging and draining to you. Middleton and Dr. Hamadani say it can be helpful to figure out what you need to bring your authentic self to work and thrive, and then come up with a proactive way to get it without sharing your diagnosis if you don’t want to.
For example, if you’re not able to focus in a bustling open office plan and would prefer to go somewhere quieter, Dr. Hamdani recommends saying something proactive to your manager like: “I’ve noticed I work best in a more quiet environment, and it’d [be great] if I could use some headphones to mute some of the noise because I’ll know I’ll be able to focus more on the task at hand.”
When the possible shifts are made, it can make work a much more manageable and pleasant experience. Middleton says that she’s not able to sit at a desk all day, but that she can be work “like a Ferrari” in two hour chunks. What does that entail? Rather than trying to power through the whole day, she portions her work into manageable blocks that includes walks and gym visits in between to focus and calm her.
Looking for more intel about how to navigate being neurodivergent in the workplace? Listen to the full episode of The Well+Good Podcast here.
Need a quick primer on the meaning of a “retrograde”? A retrograde refers to planets moving from direct to retrograde motion, although they’re not literally going backward. They appear to move backward because of where they are in their orbit. Mars is the planet of action, passion, and drive, but he’s also what we astrologers call a malefic—a planet that brings challenges. Of all the planets, Mars is the least comfortable during a retrograde. Between today and February 23, 2025, Mars will appear to move backwards from our perspective on Earth, slowing down and potentially stressing us out in the part of our chart ruled by Leo and Cancer. The key is to go slow, not to give up.
Looking for even more cosmic insights? Check out your full December 2024 monthly horoscope, or take a look at your yearly 2024 horoscope.
Aries
March 21–April 19
Your planetary ruler Mars stations retrograde in your fifth house of love and romance today, and your passion could turn quickly into frustration. This can slow you down and directly impact the parts of your life that should be fun and carefree, like a creative project or dating. Rather than get angry, find a way to keep it moving, but more carefully than before. Take your time, Aries. Forcing it is not the way.
Taurus
April 20–May 20
As Mars changes direction in your domestic zone today, family issues can get pretty irritating. Rather than lashing out at anyone you live with—even roommates—take a deep breath and consider exactly what you’re really upset about. It may not actually be the dirty pot your roomie or partner left in the sink. If you’re in the midst of a move or trying to find a new place for early 2025, you could hit some snags Taurus, but with patience, it will all be resolved.
Gemini
May 21–June 20
Mars stations retrograde in your communication zone while your planetary ruler Mercury is already in apparent backwards motion. That means your words are more powerful than ever, Gemini, yet they can easily be taken the wrong way. You might not mean to start arguments or give verbal lashings to people you care about, but even the most straightforward texts might sound like attacks unless you intentionally soften them with emojis or a “LOL.” Similarly, you might perceive innocuous comments as criticisms, so don’t jump to conclusions.
Cancer
June 21–July 22
With the planet of passion beginning its retrograde in your money zone (and returning to your own sign in January), your self-worth is up for examination. Frustrations are possible within your finances, so shore up your resources now to ensure you’re prepared for any expense that comes up. The holidays are here Cancer, so you’re more likely to spend than save. But you know you tend to feel better with a full savings account.
Leo
July 23–August 22
Mars retrograde begins in your very own sign, Leo, and that’s not the most comfortable experience. You might feel like you’re crawling out of your skin, simultaneously exhausted and overstimulated. People could project their anger onto you when you haven’t done anything more than simply exist in a Leo body. Rest, affirm yourself, hydrate, and know that your true passions can never be defeated, even if they’re temporarily on pause.
Virgo
August 23–September 22
The opening salvo of Mars retrograde hits your subconscious sector, Virgo, which can feel like a powerful pain in the psyche. If you’re feeling anxious, distressed, or just plain off, it’s probably because of something buried in the deeper regions of your mind. Meditation, reflection, and simple relaxation techniques can get you through even if you don’t have time for a therapy sesh at the moment.
Libra
September 23–October 22
Social stress is possible today thanks to Mars retrograde’s starting point in your eleventh house of friends and groups. Anyone you interact with could pop off today, upsetting your equilibrium. Whether it’s a bestie from the group chat, an annoying comment on one of your posts, or a colleague going off, try not to let external sources affect you. Instead, Libra, get in touch with your own righteous rage and channel it for good.
Scorpio
October 23–November 21
Your planetary ruler Mars is not in the best mood today, Scorpio. As he stations retrograde in your tenth house of status, you might feel temporarily frustrated about your career trajectory. The good news is that this is resolvable over the coming weeks, and whatever comes up, it’ll likely clear the air and help you solve a problem that needs solving.
Sagittarius
November 22–December 21
Mars stations retrograde in your ninth house of spirituality today, Sagittarius. This could feel like hitting a wall in your worldview or belief system. It might translate into a seemingly untenable political argument or irreconcilable differences in your philosophy with someone you once agreed with. Whatever happens, don’t flip any tables because the stars are making any disagreements feel much more serious than they actually are.
Capricorn
December 22–January 19
Mars retrograde begins in your intimacy zone, pushing you to a potentially uncomfortable confrontation with your emotionally naked self or that of a partner. Conversations can be extra intense, as even a seemingly innocuous inquiry like “How are you?” could hit a nerve (and feel like an interrogation). Try not to snap at anyone who touches your raw self, Capricorn, because they’re probably doing it unintentionally, not to provoke you.
Aquarius
January 20–February 18
As the planet of passion stations retrograde today, your relationships are on the firing line. With Mars moving into reverse motion in your seventh house of partnership, you may feel more hot-headed than usual with others, from personal to professional partners. Lean into softness instead of tough love. Go easy on ev
Pisces
February 19–March 20
The start of Mars retrograde in your sixth house of work and wellness puts extra pressure on your daily schedule, Pisces. Figuring out how to make time for self-care is even more essential than usual—so don’t skimp on “indulgences” because they’re just as important as obligations. To ease stress, remember that meeting deadlines is as important as deep rest, and taking breaks is not the same as giving up.